Category: Irrelevant And Counterintuitive

In this category, I discuss things that interest or bother me, in the hopes they interest or bother you too.

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ARE YOU A STUBBORN FOOL OR A STUBBORN VISIONARY? by Patrick J. D’Arcy

THE STUBBORN FOOL VS. THE STUBBORN GENIUS

We all know them. We are “them.” Stubborn. Unbending. Unyielding. Arms across your chest with your hands over your ears stubborn. Are you being smart or, well, a jackass? That’s a question that has easy (and not so easy) subparts.

SOME KINDS WORDS FOR THE EMBATTLED DONKEY!

When we think of “stubborn,” the poor donkey comes to mind. (Sorry to you donkey lovers about the “jackass” reference!). Donkeys really get a bad rap. They are fascinating animals. In your stubborn beliefs, you think of a donkey as dumb, legs locked, and refusing to do work. Well, let’s talk about that. A donkey will fight and kill a hyena. Donkeys are smarter than horses, and have a better field of vision. In terms of strength, donkeys are stronger than horses their own size. The locking of the legs is a common trait for donkeys. You know why? Because it is careful where it steps, to avoid a fatal injury. You can’t just force a donkey to walk. He is afraid he’ll get injured. His hoofs are for climbing, and by default, he is careful where he treds. Donkeys are as intelligent as dolphins and dogs, and have excellent memories. Donkeys are very affectionate, but that takes time to develop with them. Donkeys are awesome protectors against predators, such as foxes and wolves. Ok, back to the article.

THE STUBBORN FOOL

These types are easy to spot. Like a sea anemone, they refuse to change. They drive 55 mph when traffic flies by at 85 mph. They refuse to use Google Maps, and instead, get out their 1970’s Thomas Guide for city streets, and through trial and error, find their way on to the correct grid. Or worse, they stop at the gas station expecting to find a fold-out map of the general location of the city, and “wing it” by asking locals. The navigation system in their car is “too complicated.”

You will observe them in their native habitat at home or at work. Whatever you tell them about the latest greatest, they say “No. I’m fine.” You found the answer to a question they had on the internet. “Nah, I know the librarian. I will go see and talk to him, and look for a book on the topic.” “Google? Why? I was born way before that, and I got along just fine without it.”

THE STUBBORN GENIUS.

These types seem like oddities to the conventional thinker. That’s because they are not conventional thinkers. To the stubborn genius, the conventional thinker is the stubborn fool. He’s the guy that invented the navigation system that the stubborn fool refuses to even learn. He invented air conditioning, the Mac, the Iphone, and fiber optics. He’s Thomas Edison. After 2,000 “failures” he got the light bulb to work. The stubborn genius transforms our lives, and his vision eventually our new normal. The stubborn genius is often misunderstood, under attack, and fighting to make change happen to improve our lives, or find a better way of doing things, while fending off attacks from stubborn fools.

YOU CAN BE A MIXTURE OF BOTH.

Stubbornness is not a “bad” thing. It just is. These traits are just traits. You can put whatever label you want on it, but it comes down to behavior. The stubborn fool is closed-minded. But, being “closed-minded” is wisdom if his has direct experience in that area, and knows the pitfalls of what a person proposes to do. You can be “stubborn” because you refuse to eat cottage cheese. Again, this is not “good” or “bad.” It’s a trait or preference, and nobody is harmed by it.

People who are stubborn in the face of danger are fools. Ask the guy that captained the Titanic. He was stubborn as hell. In his mind, the ship was unsinkable. It turns out it was very sinkable, as the metal was not cured properly. The captain let his pride, ego or need for control get the best of him. You can be stubborn by waiving off people’s ideas. Stubbornness must be viewed in context. (I will never, and I mean, never, eat cottage cheese). I am always open to new ideas on just about anything else. However, as noted above, if the idea is on something you have directly seen first-hand, and it was bad, then hold on to your stubbornness. The person advocating it is being stubborn too, but in a foolish way.

CONCLUSION

On the extremes, we can identify foolish and genius stubbornness. The genius perseveres despite the set backs. He has a goal that he is trying to achieve. His behavior stems from being aggressive, confident and a visionary. The stubborn fool is closed-minded, and won’t listen to anything unless he agrees with it. Some of this behavior can be traced to insecurity. Some of it is rational too – like the guy in Office Space who held rigidly to an outdated process to save his job.

Like with all types of behaviors, it is complicated by the personalities, needs, desires and the beliefs of persons, which are as varied as you can imagine. When thinking about this, ask yourself, “In what areas am I being stubborn, and does this hinder or advance me in my career and my life?” Focus on you, and work on your own self-betterment. Keeping an open mind is the anti-thesis of being stubborn. Who knows, you might surprise yourself. I now eat figs and avocados after swearing them off my entire life. I threw away my Thomas Guide too.

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HOW TO SPOT AND GET RID OF WORTHLESS, PARASITIC PEOPLE

HOW TO RID YOURSELF OF PARASITIC, WORTHLESS PEOPLE – by Patrick J. D’Arcy

My instincts are to help people, but that means I get taken advantage of by “needy” people who  are truly parasites in disguise, and who bring to me their endless stream of problems.  I am not talking about persons who truly are in need – those with physical and mental disabilities, or the elderly or infirm.  I am talking about able-bodied persons who just endlessly dump their bullshit upon you.  Believe me, if it becomes a pattern, you are being manipulated.  They don’t give two shits about you.  To them, it’s a “game” to see how little they can do, and how much you can do for them.  They are passive aggressive, and will not do anything for you in return.  You will notice that they go on vacation during the busiest time of the year for your department.  For them, you are their white night, and you will be on speed dial with panic calls requiring you to spring into action.   You gave them rent money, only to find they blew it in Vegas, and now are being evicted, and need a place to stay – with their three toddlers.  You worked out repossession of their car with the bank (they asked you to call the bank to help them “figure it out” because they “are not good at math”).  Then, they miss the payments again, and ask for more help.  They bring their loving dog to your house to watch “for a few hours,” only to be gone for several days, and will not call you or text you about why they have not returned.  You, of course, couldn’t leave the dog alone in your home, so you canceled plans with your friends to make sure the dog was ok.  They come back, “apologetic,” and explain “what a great time  I had in Tahoe, and I couldn’t call because we were at a chalet and there was no phone reception.”  “Tahoe?  You said you were just leaving for a few hours.”   “A few hours?  Did I say that?  Oh, I am so sorry.  You’ve been great.  We should catch up some time!”

Once The Parasite Latches On, You Will Be Responsible For Their Life And Emotional Well-Being.

Once you climb into the ring with them, they will latch on tight, and suck out every bit of your time, money and energy.  And let’s not forget the heavy negative energy and drama they bring to you, too.  You might be just trying to relax after another tough day, and your phone rings.  It’s “him.”  He might say, “Can you call me at 5:00 a.m. so that I wont miss work? I’m really tired.” Failing to answer means more drama.  Five more text messages hit your phone.  “I need your help!’ “Are you there??????”   “Can YoU cALl me PLeasE?????!!!!!!”   Finally, you call.  Then, it’s more hell.  Ok, so what’s the answer?

Learn To Set Boundaries, And To Recognize Patterns Of Manipulation

I am always charitable until I see a pattern or feel manipulated.   Don’t be uncharitable, and change who you are due to these bozos. My post deals with “manipulative patterns of conduct,” not isolated issues that come up and that could happen to anyone. People need help. The question is: do they rescue themselves and just need a helping hand into the boat, or are they the type who expects you to supervise them and bail them out of trouble?

If the pattern emerges, do not react.  Do not feed into the energy.  Do not give them elaborate, fake reasons.  These experts will actually cross-examine you to get to the truth.  Then, you’ll accuse you of lying to them!    They are master manipulators.  You will be caught off-guard at how brazen they can be,   Simply say, “I can’t help you, and I’m hanging up.” Then, hang up.  Don’t equivocate, or become wishy-washy.  They will respond with vitriol, guilt shaming and the like.  It’s all part of the manipulation.  They will never become responsible with human safety valves like you lying around. 

Cut Them Off, With A Simple “I Can’t Help You.”  Then Hang Up Or Walkway.   Do Not Make Elaborate Excuses.  They Will “Test” These Excuses to Manipulate You Even More

Parasites will get angry when you cut off their money and fuel supply.  Watch how quick they become angry and then turn on you!  All of your prior charitable acts will be quickly forgotten or brushed off. You see, they need people to regulate them because they refuse to regulate themselves. You’ll get a feeling of immense satisfaction when you see them hitting up other people to do what you did for them.  Also, do not flatter yourself.   These types are creative geniuses.  Do not think they didn’t pitch the “rent story” to ten other people, and not only got the rent money from several of them, but used that money to buy a nice watch or new clothes too.  Because they are parasites, they will need to latch on quickly to a new host, and when they do, they will never approach you again.  You are not losing a friend, just a liability. 

Don’t Worry, They Never Liked You.  You Are Not Losing A Friend, You Are Losing A Liability.

The sobering reality about being used is the you feel responsible for allowing it to happen. Don’t worry. Forgive and forget. That will cut down on the emotional stress these useless people toss upon everyone. Nature doesn’t put up with these shit. The momma bird throws the young one out of the nest. In the wild (and in prisons), the big eat the little. You are actually doing them a favor. Let them realize that there are no easy escape hatches, which will force them to learn what it means to grow into being a responsible person. Hopefully, they will rebound, and one day thank you.