You completed your first year of law school, and as the second year starts, you interview for summer associate positions at the law firms. We all know the large firms are highly selective, and usually won’t interview from the lower-ranked schools, except for those in the top 10% of their class. This is the unfortunate reality – the big law firms are going to charge a high hourly rate for your time, and the prestige of the law school you went to matters. There are many star attorneys from the lower-ranked schools (affectionately known as “toilet schools”). The same person who attended Whittier Law and then transferred to Berkeley due to stellar grades in their first year gets the opportunity to now work at a big firm. Whether it’s a large or small firm, here are the do’s and don’ts.
Understand The Firm’s Atmosphere
Partners might very well be walking around in jeans, or “business casual.” You are not a partner. The partner lives by different unwritten rules. All partners are bosses. Never forget that. Piss off a partner, and at the partner’s meeting, they will all know about it. Do great work, and the partners will all know about it. Partners may slide into work after 9:30 a.m. (or later). Some are there at 8:00 a.m. Some leave for two hour lunches, and come back later in the afternoon, and then work until 8:00 p.m. Get to know the routine of the partner you are working with. If he is out until 10:00 a.m. every day, you need to be at the office by 9:00 a.m. Why? Because he has a secretary, and she’ll field the call, not be able to get in touch with the partner, and might send the call to your office. If she can’t, then she gets frustrated, since there is nobody to help her. Also, the partners are older, and have worked for as many (or more) years than you have been alive. Many were in the working world before your parents hooked up in the backseat pretending to be watching a movie at a drive-in theater, with a sound box attached to the window. You are about the age of their adult children, and haven’t yet put in your time to get the privilege of coming in later to work. If you, as a 23 year old, start showing up at 10:00 a.m. (unless specifically told to), you will come off as a lazy and clueless moron. Courts open at 8:30 a.m. Ex parte (emergency) hearings are usually at 8:00 a.m. You are auditioning for a job. Never forget that.
By being at your desk ready to go, you could politely take the call, ask the client what their questions are, and tell the client you are calling the partner right now to relay the questions. Chances are high you will have no clue as to how to answer a single thing being said. That is not your role, since, as a rising 2L, you don’t know shit. But the client is more assured having someone to talk to. Simply say, “Good morning. My name is Betty (unless it is not Betty), and I am helping [partner’s name]. Can I jot down your questions so that I can look into this right now, and call [partner’s name]? If they ask about it, and want guidance, tell them you are NOT a lawyer, but a summer associate, and will need to defer to the partner. Sometimes, the client will just tell you they have the partner’s cell phone, and will call him instead. Your next move is to email the partner, and tell him: 1) who called; 2) provide their cell phone number; and 3) a list of their questions and if the call needs to be returned immediately. Keep your emails short and to the point. Partners hate wasting time. No large introductory lead ins. Write it like this:
“Hi Steve. I just got a call from Joe Blow, and he wanted to ask you about three things: 1) has the city approved the project; 2) did you speak with George about getting an extension on a bond; and 3) can you meet with Joe this week, preferably Tuesday or Wednesday? On question “3,” I checked with your secretary, and you have Tuesday open, and a court hearing (it’s a CMC) at 9:00 a.m. on Wednesday. Your secretary thinks that hearing will end by 10:00 a.m., so you have the rest of the day open. Please let me know if I can research or do anything for you. My cell is (123) 456-7890. Thanks, Betty.”
This is a helpful email. No wind up. Just what needs to be done. You also checked his calendar (lawyers live by their calendars, and were wise enough to ask his secretary what days he had open and his schedule). You saved him the trouble of checking his calendar. He’ll like that. You offered to do research. All lawyers welcome this. You provided your cell phone number in the email. Why is this important? Because he might want to just call you and not write out an email, especially if he is in the car at the drive through. You provided the client’s phone number, in case he doesn’t have it to quickly look up. He’ll respond like this.
“Betty. Thank you. Call Joe back, tell him Wed at 11am to 3pm, his choice. No approval. City wants impact study. Working on it. George is working on a bond. Can you set up the meeting. In person. If not, set up by conference call. Thanks, Steve.”
Steve likes you. You are helping him get shit done. If there were important things to discuss, Steve will call the client. Here, Steve just wants you to be a relay to the customer, and the customer understands this. By telling Joe you are not a lawyer, Joe isn’t going to pepper you with questions. Set up the meeting, but first see the secretary to see how it’s done. It might be that she handles the whole thing. Ask her.
Shut Up At Client And Partner Meetings
You have nothing to say, so STFU at client and partner meetings. Unless you are asked a question, do NOT try to make your presence felt. You are there to listen and to observe, to get things for partners, and to help with the work. Here’s an example from the Sopranos, when Tony explicitly told Chris before the meeting to keep his mouth shut, and not to offer advice. A newly made guy, Chris now feels the need to share his wisdom, and ignores Tony’s hint to “clam up” at the meeting. (Clip used under “Fair Use” exception for commentary and education and without any commercial purpose). You could very well fuck things up at the firm by telling the client something wrong. You don’t know the dynamics, so what you say could have a terrible impact on how things proceed, and you force the partner to “unfuck” what you just fucked up.
There was a case I was handling. I made requests for documents, and the other side kept lying that they didn’t exist. A new lawyer comes into the picture, and doesn’t have the history of the case to know any better, and the shit I was fighting over. Sure enough, I ask him about these documents, and he sends them over. “Oh, yeah. Here they are. Can I email them over?” That launched a motion to disqualify the firm.
You are not an advisor. Again, you, with your liberal arts degree and Marxist inspired college professors, know absolutely NOTHING about the real world. Do not be lulled into a false sense of security that you can now advise a business executive facing a crisis. Your urge to offer your opinions will be strong. Everyone in your family seeks your advice, and you have been very successful in school. Those worlds are irrelevant to the law firm world. Say something stupid, and your client might act like Johnny Sack. Chris didn’t know the deal, and didn’t know the background and history. So, his “solution” was infuriating, and only confirmed that Chris is a moron. This is not the time for you to open your latte drinking mouth and opine on what you “feel” is the right thing. The client is being advised by people with years of experience. So again, shut the fuck up. Let the partner and the senior associates do the talking, and you do the listening. Bring a yellow note pad and take notes. A yellow pad, you say? Ok boomer. (I’m not a boomer). Understand that attorneys – even those who are technically proficient, use them. Your typed up notes could conflict with what the partner remembers. Seeing it written down gives it credibility. Typed up notes can be changed. Write legibly, so that you can pdf it and scan it to everyone as notes of the meeting. It will become an important record of the meeting. Mark it as “Attorney Work-Product And Attorney Client Privileged,” so that it doesn’t get accidentally turned over in discovery. Save it to the system as a pdf, with a file name in call caps: “CLIENT MEETING ON 1-23-19 ATTORNEY CLIENT PRIVILEGED SMITH V JONES MATTER.” Then, create a separate folder on the system called “ATTORNEY NOTES” and put it in there. Your partner will smile and see that you “get it.”
When I was a summer associate at Sheppard Mullin (great firm), I was already 42 years old, the age of some partners, and way older than the summer associates. Because I had formed many companies before going to law school, I knew a great deal about how to advise a CEO on business problems he was facing. The partner knew this, and allowed me to meet with them. I knew how to keep the client and the partner happy. I also had a summer associate, who, at age 25, figured he could advise a client on business issues. Another partner confronted him and said, “Pat here was president of a Silicon Valley company. I know why he is here. What are you doing giving advice to our clients? Don’t open that door, and embarrass us. Just listen and observe.”
A “Draft” Is Not A Rough Outline, But A Polished And Perfected Piece Of Writing.
When a partner wants a “draft” memo from you, do not think it is just a rough compilation of your ideas. A “draft” is not a working paper where you collaborate with the partner. No, a “draft” in partner parlance is a perfect exposition that has been reviewed and edited (by you) at least a dozen times before the partner sees it. Your “draft” memo is an exquisite work of art that the partner can pawn off to the client as if the partner wrote it.
Keep your memos short, and get to the point. Use headings. Write in 12 point Times New Roman, or whatever font your firm uses. Use spell check. Write in active voice. State the issue, and your answer to it, as follows:
“July 4, 2020
From: Betty Bootlicker
To: Isaiah Pederast
Issue: A tenant was presented with a lease, but did not sign it. The tenant performed everything called for under this lease, and now wants to vacate. Is the tenant a month-to-month or can the tenant be bound under a lease it didn’t sign so that it now owes all the remaining rent?
Answer: The tenant is not bound. Under the decision of Rex Investment Co., LTD v. SME (3:15-cv-02607), a federal case in San Diego one by an attorney named Patrick D’Arcy in Irvine, California, the tenant, a Burger King franchisee was not liable under the lease, even though it had performed all of the provisions under the lease, because it did not sign it. This case that was won by this lawyer is now binding authority in the Ninth Circuit. The crucial point of the case is that the tenant must affirm in writing that it intends to be bound. Otherwise, the tenant is month-to-month. I have attached the case and the opinion.
Long Writing Is Bad Writing
The more you think through something, the clearer your writing becomes, and the less you write. Get to the point. Answer the question. There is no better example of this than Steve Jobs. His iconic graduation speech had a very short lead in, and went straight to the three stories he wanted to share, and then all built on each other. Youtube videos piss me off. It has a catchy title, and the presenter is still blabbing two minutes later, and still hasn’t gotten to the point. They say things like, “Thanks for watching my video. When I was thinking about this video, a lot of things crossed my mind, and I especially like all of the feedback….blah…blah…blah….” Get to the point.
In the memo I wrote for you, it was so brief that the partner will be impressed. (Did you catch the typo that I “one” the case?) That’s not a small infraction. You’ll be dinged heavily for this. Be afraid – VERY AFRAID of typos. When editing down your memos remove all redundancy. These are smart people you are dealing with. Each paragraph has an internal structure where the sentences are connected. Edit the paragraphs so that transitions build on different concepts. Shorter sentences are preferred over longer ones. Change things up, and do not say, “said letter,” “herewith,” “do not hesitate to call me” or “enclosed please find attached.”
While in school, you got a better grade with a lengthier report. Judges and partners hate long briefs. Make your points and stop writing.
Ignore Backstabbing Associates
All summer associate classes contain insidious backstabbers. These morons were ruthless to get into the top schools, and now are vying for the best jobs. Your class contains the top students from the best schools. Think about it. In my summer associate class, we had graduates from Harvard, Berkeley, Stanford, UCLA, Georgetown, U. Penn, Michigan, Northwestern and many other fine schools.
As a summer associate, your function isn’t to stand out as much as it is to be responsible, professional, presentable, able to handle pressure, likeable, and to follow directions. Ignore the quirks and narcissistic attitudes of your future colleagues. I can guarantee you that getting into arguments with your classmates might be the reason you are “no-offered.” Hold your tongue, smile your way through it, and just accept the fact that assholes exist. Do not confide in a partner about problems you are having. He has to share this with the other partners. Because your “problem” is inconsequential, they overlook the details, and simply take the position that you are to be eliminated from further consideration.
Follow Directions
If a partner tells you that an assignment is budgeted for 10 hours, do not go over 10 hours. Your time is billed to the client. Excessive time is written off by the partner, which pisses them off. There may be a limit to what they can write off, and the client gets stuck with a large bill. Always ask how much time is allotted. If you get stuck, see a senior associate and ask for help.
Don’t Let Your 2L Grades Drop
A large drop in your 2L grades can get you no-offered. I saw classmates panic when the firm wanted updated transcripts. Do not let your grades drop, and understand that some firms are pretty serious about this.
Pay Attention To Your Grooming/Hygiene
There is something particularly irritating about a person with bad breath. It can happen to anyone, but I’m talking about habitual bad breath. I worked with a guy who had breath that smelled like he ate shit for breakfast. The guy was disgusting. Go see a dentist, and get your teeth fixed and your gums scraped. You might be a great guy, but nobody wants to hold their breath while talking to you.
Be careful at firm dinners that you don’t speak so loud and forcibly that you spit out food. Don’t drink too much alcohol, and do not take too much food from the buffet. Don’t be the life of the party. Don’t smoke weed either.
Pay attention to your clothes. Shine your shoes and belt. Throw away ties with stains. Cover up any tattoos, and get rid of nose piercings and excessive ear piercings. Remember, you are being groomed to be a trusted advisor. This requires a conservative appearance. Suits that are blue, grey or a dark color are fine. Don’t wear “loud” outfits.
One last thing – NEVER wear cologne or AXE or whatever that shit is. You will make enemies fast, especially in conference rooms and small offices.
When Taking Calls From Opposing Counsel, Do Not Admit To Anything, And Do Not Agree To Anything
I was a 2L, and a partner from a large firm called. I didn’t know shit about the litigation. He sweet-talked me. “You new?” I told him I was just a summer associate. He wasted no time. “I’ll need some extra time to complete the discovery responses, can you give me another two weeks?” Being “nice,” I said “Sure.” I got an instantaneous confirmation email from him. That worried me. I went to the partner and told him what happened. He told me that they had blown the deadline, and I let them off the hook. Being “courteous” and “nice” has its place in the legal profession. Understand that as a summer associate, you are in no position to instruct or consent to anything.
Be Grateful For Such A Cush Job
A summer associate job is supposed to be glorified internship. Anything you write is discounted or verified. When you see a partner, politely introduce yourself, and let them know how much you enjoy the opportunity to work at the firm. Show genuine appreciation. Millions of Americans work very hard doing physical labor for far less money.
Don’t Gossip About Anyone Or Anything
Don’t spread rumors, don’t repeat shit, and when gossiping takes place, stay quiet and don’t participate. When asked what you think, just say, “I don’t want to get into that.” And go stone quiet. If summer associates are making trouble, leave. If they are getting drunk, know when to step away. Don’t talk about firm business in public places, including restaurants, and if you are required to, do not mention names. Say something, “The client wants us to do this…” Not, “I spoke with John Smith, and he is going to fire his manager, and wants us to do this.” For all you know, the manager is in the booth next to you, and about confront your client in 20 minutes.
If You Get “No-Offered”
Before accepting a summer associate position, check the law school’s figures on offer rates. Nearly all big law firms offer permanent employment to their associates. Some other firms “no-offer” a fairly high percentage. Here’s the thing. Getting “no-offered” is a big deal. This can prevent you from getting gainful employment after graduation. You will be forced to interview against as a rising 3L. The law firms are going to wonder about you. Did you fuck up something terrible? Are you lazy, incompetent, or just a dick to be around? Law firms are conservative places, and are generally risk-adverse. The “no-offer” stigma is a stench that carries far and wide. Get a letter from the firm making sure that you were not the reason. Do not lose that letter, and bring it with you when you interview next year. The firm might say, “You did excellent work but we just didn’t have additional space for this person.” Law firms are not stupid. They realize that the letter may be a ruse. Fortunately, a no-offer is so rare that I only heard of it happening one time.
